i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize