I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
