he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize