im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize