Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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