Can Purell be used as lube?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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