eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
