I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
