And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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