awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
