DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Drunk is a universal language darling
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