Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
