Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
