After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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