I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize