Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
