Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
