I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
