I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
