ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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