I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
