That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize