I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
