Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
