he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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