That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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