He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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