i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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