she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
vagina is talking i cant
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
