before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
