i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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