don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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