Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
