i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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