dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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