Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you would pick up someone in the library
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
