The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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