My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
