Don't make out with my wife yet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
