I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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