I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
