Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
