You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
