no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
