I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
