I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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