I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
