hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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