finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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