Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
