and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
