Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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