What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
