Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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