So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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