Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
