Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my being single is dangerous.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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