Having a random hookup so left but love u
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
