bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
be right there i have to get my cape
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
