We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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