Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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