1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
