six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
