Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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