meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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