When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
