We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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