woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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