Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
