Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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