Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
