Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
