Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
