Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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