dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
