i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
