So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
