Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
