Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
