I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize