I'm jealous of your bromance
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
