At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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