its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
