If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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