Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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