There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
