One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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