im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
