honey bunches of taint.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
