i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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