Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
