Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
